We Need the Eggs

Things with Meryl Streep and I have been going pretty well. We had some rough patches, it’s true, but we worked it out. We recently purchased a large brownstone on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. It’s a good location, near where I work and near her favorite produce stand. Meryl is a huge fan of groceries and she often chuckles about my past dealings with moldy bananas and bruised apples. She’s so cute.

When Meryl isn’t off winning numerous awards, she loves to knit. She made me a full body suit that I can wear under just about anything. She said she wants to keep me warm even when we’re not together. How sweet! I bite my tongue when her knitting guild meets weekly to ransack our home. Although I believe it’s not in their charter, their meetings usually involve stealing my juice boxes and pinching my poor, swollen cheeks. The endless supply of very loud sweaters lessens this blow. Her next projects are mittens and individual protective sleeves for our DVD collection. I think the sleeves are a touch impractical, but there’s no stopping a woman on a mission.