We Need the Eggs

Yesterday I went to McDonald’s and talked to some food about my problems.  Today I started a diet.

Dieting isn’t a new concept to me.  Every few months I go through a “Health-Kick” period that never lasts more than a week at a time.  Once I had the urge to become a vegetarian; not because I care about animals being beaten and buzz-sawed for my pleasure, but because I thought I would lose a few pounds if I didn’t eat as much meat – it was an urge and it didn’t last.

My latest campaign began when I put on a polo shirt yesterday and thought part of my figure looked bigger under the shirt than it should.  I knew it was time for a dramatic change.  I decided to say goodbye to “bad” foods in the formal setting that the local McDonald’s provided.  I gorged and tried to feel better.  As I walked back to my apartment, with a heavy heart and a heavy stomach, I decided to buy exclusively “good” foods from now on.

My quest for health took me to the local grocery store:  County Market.  Such a dirty and poorly lit establishment, but that’s part of the charm.  I grabbed a cart (which are far too short for me, so I end up hunching more than usual as I push) and raced off to the fruits and vegetables.  I first spied a package that offered green, yellow, and red peppers and I thought, Wow Kevin, you should take some of these home and sauté them.  Yeah, that’d be good.  Then I realized that I didn’t exactly know what ‘sauté’ implied, but how hard could it be?  After all, I’ve watched the Food Network.

After an hour long march about the store I bought:  Soy milk, spinach-like salad, low-fat dressing, apples, bananas, plantains, the aforementioned three-pack of peppers, fish, canned carrots, canned unsalted peas, bagels, low-fat bread, canned peaches, and countless additional calorie-free crap.

I was humming and feeling good as I rolled to the front of the store to pay.  Nobody was going to rain on my parade.  Nobody! – except apparently the cashier.  She scanned my items and announced that my grand total was $87.33.  Clearly, health comes at a steep price. 

So, until all this food is gone or my next urge takes over, I’ll try to eat right.  As for my wallet, I may be broke, but I sure am healthy.